i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
