You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
