he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
