I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize