what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize