when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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