She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
