Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
