We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
