The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
