you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
my shit smells like andre
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
