its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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