I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
