He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
