Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
