Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize