Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
