I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Couch. On fire.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
