How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
