I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize