What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
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