Just fell off a train. Bad.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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