i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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