i don't plan on having that self control this summer
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
