So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
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