yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize