I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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