then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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