i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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