I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
