Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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