You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
