you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
