Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
