hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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