well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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