I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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