I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
