sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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