so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
