Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
