you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
