You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize