Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
