...so i touched it.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
In America we eat man semen.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
