Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
this will be a night to untag.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
