Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Randomize
