worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
