Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Randomize
