dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
The beer is more important than you right now.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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