Is it normal to miss your booty call?
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
