do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
