I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
