This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize