My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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