I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Randomize
