she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
