Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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