At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
