You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
