six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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