I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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