I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I've blown a few things in my day
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
there is glitter all over my balls
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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