I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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