porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
