I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
