Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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