We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
