He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
