I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
