I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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