Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Quick, to the slutcave!
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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