It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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