So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
