ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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