Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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