I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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